The Hairdo Theory. Liquid gold.
Change isn’t just hard for us, it’s hard for our loved ones. Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, let Dr. Molly properly introduce you to the “hairdo theory”. The theory does not belong to me, but one of my wise (very wise) friends. It is as scientifically proven as two chics talking about it in a coffee shop can make it. The hairdo theory suggests that your significant other will always prefer your hair as it was when you first met them. That changing it in any way will produce an ill effect for your partner that can result in nose wrinkling, passive aggressive comments, or straight up opposition. I have tested this theory many times, and every time it has proven true. No matter what I do to my hair, my husband has a strong (and not quite confirming) reaction to the change. He likes it “like it used to be”. For those of you who follow me-you will see locks that are sometimes curly, sometimes straight. The truth is both require effort-and a fair amount of pulling and swearing to achieve the look. I go back and forth between the two thinking that the other will be less of a hassle. I met Steve while in a curly phase. Our love is apparently immortalized in those curls. Curls forever. Latin translation: semper amabilem venustatem cincinni. Curls FOR-EV-ER.
I tell you the tale of the hairdo theory not to dissuade you from visiting your beautician, but because it demonstrates how change can be unwanted and difficult for those around us. When we decide to change in big ways, it can deeply affect those around us. Sometimes we are so focused on our own growth and goals we desire that we forget about the impact on our tribe. Feelings of insecurity, anger, and confusion can result if we don’t slow down and take the time to consider our peeps, homies, besties, clan, fam, and loves of our life. The lack of support from those around us can be a huge derailer, so better to be aware of the issue and put some work in along the way.
How to help your loved ones embrace your change:
1. Prepare them for the upcoming change. Admittedly, I often “surprise” my love with new hair. As much as I like to think he might find it exciting to have something that resembles a fresh chic around the house, he wants his wife. He fell in love with me in my most natural state. He loves me just the way I was. Transfer this to big life changing moments. If you are on a journey to commit to a healthier life and lose weight, but don’t prepare your person for it-it may create feelings of insecurity, confusion, and resentment. If part of your closeness always included Taco Tuesday and you need to abstain going forward but don’t explain, they may think your time with them isn’t sacred. You don’t want them to think you are ditching them-just the habits.
2. Find out your “why” and share it. Talk openly and honestly about why the change you are seeking is important to you. Helping your loved ones have some understanding of where you are coming from can help them get in a position of support.
3.Include them in your journey. Going back to the tacos-if tacos are out, maybe tennis is in. Invite your people into your world by still spending time together in your new activities. Instead of chowing down on tacos, go play tennis together-or whatever you are both into. That way you are still working toward your goal but maintaining the relationship in a way that gives the other person confidence that you are still you-and change doesn’t translate to checking out.