What is your why? And why is everyone talking about it?
If you were to quickly google “what is your why” you would get a litany of results encouraging you to explore what motivates you, why you get up in the morning, what you are passionate about, and what lights your fire. The quick and dirty is that by connecting with your innermost passions and understanding why you are doing something, you will get better results in your life. Not rocket science, and an idea I subscribe to. So often, because of our busy lives, we don’t slow down to do the hard inner work that can be so worthwhile. So...how do you find the elusive why?
Literally every time I coach someone through finding their why, they bring me a statement that is uber clean, institutional, and looks like a mission statement from a breakroom. Good start, but not your why. So...you may be asking yourself, “ok-smartie pants. What’s a why, then?” It’s deeper than a surface statement. Much, much deeper. My clients bring me their initial statement, and often my first question is, “why?” My second question often ends up being, “why?” Third, “why?” You get the idea. When I see the soul on the other side of the table get a quivering lip and teared up eyes, I know we have gotten there.
Quick example-I have a client who is on a weight loss journey. We start the why exercise. Her initial why is to be healthier. Why? So she lives longer. Why? To be able to see as much life as possible. Why? Because she has children just graduating high school. What do you want to provide for them later?
I want to be healthy enough to meet my grandchildren-not just meet them, but be able to play with them-get on the floor and love them at their level. And...there it is. The thought of holding a grandchild for the first time, welcoming a sweet new being into our world, getting on the floor with your new person as he or she coos, reaches for their toes and your face, and smiles a gummy smile at you. That’s worth sticking around for. Whenever this client is unmotivated, I have her visualize that scene.
A yogi once told me that the word namaste translates to, “the light in me honors the light in you”. Every time a client gets vulnerable enough to reach their why with me, I silently say namaste in honor of them seeing their light. Often-they haven’t seen it in a long time. What an honor to witness them see it in front of me. Whys are often steeped in love of children, spouses, lost loved ones, identity, humanity-nothing to shake a stick at. For every client I have seen find their why and every one who will in the future, namaste-and congratulations for doing the hard work to get there.
Three tips to effectively find your why:
If you are overwhelmed by the thought, start nice and easy. Ask yourself questions like why do you get up in the morning, what do you care about on the deepest level, where do your passions lie, etc. Get your thoughts on paper. Don’t worry about the format, just the feels.
Go Long? Fuck that-go deep. When you start to look for your why, don’t settle for a superficial answer that looks like a mission statement hung in an institutional grey wall. Puke. Continue asking yourself why to every statement you produce until you get a lump in your throat and tears well up. THAT is your why. You have arrived.
Get some help. If you can’t get past the surface but really want to locate your why and have it incorporated into your daily doings, ask someone to help. Enlist a family member or friend who knows you well, hire a coach, do some extra research-whatever will get you to do the internal work. Trust me, it’s well worth the effort.