College applications or dating?
The college application process reminds me of dating. It’s uncomfortable and intimidating. You’re trying to make yourself look the best way possible. You’re always wondering what the other person is thinking of you and if they will like you enough to keep you. It feels very vulnerable and personal and can result in deep feelings of rejection. I’ve seen students be accepted by 9 out of 10 of the schools on their list and be crushed by the one rejection. In a nutshell, it can be brutal. It doesn’t have to feel that way, though. While you are navigating a very complicated, overly emotional process, keep in mind you do have some control in the situation. Here are some tips that can help:
Reframe the process, it’s a two way street. As much as students are applying to colleges and waiting to see if the college “likes” them, the student should be sniffing around that college to see if they like it. The student and family are investing in the college in the way of tuition, time, talent, and development. It is one of (if not the) most important decisions of a student’s life. It can determine the rest of their life-where they live, work, marry-what kind of house, car, lifestyle they achieve. So, instead of continually focusing on the scary question, “do they like me?”, start asking, “do I like them?”
Acknowledge that the process is complicated. It has shortcomings, you do not. Back to the dating analogy, it’s not you-it’s them. I have had so many people-despite their level of education and accomplishment tell me that the college application process makes them feel stupid. With as much respect for my former colleagues as I can offer, colleges have created a very complicated, hard to follow process. Even those of us that are in the game get confused at times and have to make a concerted effort to keep up with all of the steps and changes.
Get a coach. Seriously. I have found my worth in watching completely scared faces of both parents and students turn to eyes of relief. Typically, by the time they have reached out the reality has set in of the complications of the process (see #2), very tense family conversations have been had, and everyone in the equation is scarred a bit. The relief typically starts in a free consult when they know someone understands, can be trusted with their child and the gravity of a decision such as choosing a college. The relief continues to grow through the process. Doesn’t that sound like a better scenario? There are people out there who know the process, aren’t intimidated by it, can take care of all of you in the process, and (if they are good) make it feel better-fun even.