My Name Is Not Sylvia.
Sometimes we aren’t the ones desiring change. Sometimes change just falls in our lap-or sometimes it is shoved into our world shaking our very foundation and demanding attention. Laying in bed dreaming about changes we desire isn’t always the case. Sometimes we lie in bed and try to figure out how to survive an unexpected gut punch.
I’ve been there. Those I love have been as well. One of my past students-who I love, recently reached out to me on social media because she was going through the loss of a marriage in a similar way I did years ago. Your own heartbreak is one thing, watching someone you love experience it is another thing. Heart wrenching.
I remember thinking of Sylvia Plath when I was going through my divorce. For those of you unfamiliar with my friend Sylvia, let me take a moment to introduce you. She was a poet. Sylvia famously put her head in her oven to kill herself when she found out her husband was cheating on her. A gas oven nonetheless.
The year I went through my divorce, the bookstore at the college I worked at had mugs with Sylvia on them. I found them in a clearance bin in the back. I was so offended-how could they do this? Sell Sylvia for such a cheap price? I bought them-all of them-with their bright yellow stickers that screamed “I’m cheap”. She was far too meaningful for that treatment-priceless in my opinion. I only have one left-(because I would be a loon if I kept them all), but that’s all I need to remind me that I’m not the kind of girl who sticks her head in the oven. It also inspires me to help others manage unexpected change in healthy, transformational ways. I toast my student from my Sylvia mug every morning. You got this, girl. Grab that unwanted change by the horns and take full advantage of growing from the experience.
Ways to manage unexpected change:
Don’t be Sylvia. Inside all of us is a center of strength. A core that can carry us through the toughest times. Find that core and stand tall-face all of the turmoil unexpected change can bring head on. You can-because you have it in you. You’ll be better because of it-trust me, grab it by the horns, and take the ride. Honor the growth in it, even though it sucks.
Think of who you are-and who you will become. This is beyond hard in the eye of the storm, but it is often change of this nature that has a way of weaving itself into our fabric and making us who we are suppose to be.
Surround yourself with healthy decisions and healthy people. These things will ground you.
Drive when you can, have patience when you can’t. Know what you can control. A balancing act is necessary when dealing with change you didn’t expect between self care and growth. It’s ok to slip away for a girls weekend where you don’t have to deal with the reality of your change. It’s also ok to sit with the emotions of what you are going through. Just make sure you do both, don’t live in either for too long. True growth comes from knowing the necessity of each.
Keep your loved ones close. A support team is essential in any kind of change. Unexpected change can make us want to isolate as a reaction of feeling of embarrassment, sadness, confusion, etc. Make sure you surround yourself with people who can support you through those emotions and that you feel safe being vulnerable around.